So, while I've got a moment, I'd like to catch the very few people (if any) up on current and future affairs. Next week is Mid-Terms, and the week after that is Spring Break. So I probably will not have any time to blog during the next two weeks, so allow me to unload everything now.
I finished my story!
"What? You've been writing a story?"
"Yes, idiot, where have you been?"
Okay, that was a little mean. Truth is, I've only told a select few people that I've been working on a short story for the past month. And honestly? I don't want to talk about it until it's finished. Because when I try to describe my story to people, it's incredibly hard to explain. Because it's not my story, it's our story. Mine and a roughly ~40 million people's story. Did I lose you? Good. Here's all I can say about it right now:
It's a story about a boy named Red. Red does not control himself. Red is controlled by anywhere between 1-125,000 people at any given time.
And that's all I can say! I know, it sounds stupid, but give a chance you assholes. Last night, I officially "finished" the story. And to be honest, it felt very strange. Why? Because I didn't want it to end. I had grown emotionally attached to this story for a month. I didn't want to stop writing it. I couldn't even sleep last night because I couldn't believe that it was finished. Even now, I'm paranoid that the ending wasn't fulfilling enough. That I rushed it. But just because the story is "finished" doesn't mean it's "complete". Does that make sense? I kind of have a sloppy writing process, this story is most likely riddled with spelling and punctuation errors. Syntax and formatting errors. And Christ, I haven't even started working on the illustrations yet. That's not true, I've got a few pictures but not many. I'm going to try and completely finish this story by the end of spring break at the latest. There are certain people that I am very excited to share this with.
Moving on to some other shit. I don't sleep well. Hanna (a girl) remarked that I always look tired. That I always have bags under my eyes. Well Hanna (same girl), it's true. I have bad sleeping habits, I wake up early and go to bed late. I very rarely take naps. I walk a few miles a day, sometimes I stay out late with friends. Or sometimes, I just stay up late studying or reading, what college kid hasn't had an all-nighter at the library before? Anyway, I'd like to change that. I'm tired of being tired. What's more, I'm tired of people telling me I look tired because I'm tired. No shit.
Uh what else? I was supposed to have plans over spring break. But it turns out I have no money lol. I mean, I have money. How else would I pay for rent, child support, and groceries? I don't really have any spending money. Not enough to go on vacation, even for a few days. And I don't really care that I don't have plans for spring break. Those of you who are going away for spring break, have fun! Really, I'm not bitter in that way. I want other people to have fun and enjoy their time off. Me? I'm going to be working! Hard labor type shit, like replacing an entire fence by myself. Nothing wrong with that, I need the money. And cleaning out some garages that badly need to be cleaned out. Like, these are the garages that should have been cleaned out a decade ago, but it's only gotten worse since then. Other than that, just take it day by day. Hang out with people who stayed behind and we can do boring shit together like play Nintendo 64 games. Honestly, I don't know what I would do with a sudden vast amount of money to spend on whatever I want. I guess I would buy a few new clothes, maybe some new shoes. When you walk to school every day, after a while, the soles on your already old shoes just get obliterated. and Dr. Scholls insoles can only help so much. And the speakers in my car are starting to make that clicking noise. I guess after 13 years of blaring loud, bass-driven music, any speakers will start to disintegrate. So I might get a cheap sound system put in. They'll probably get stolen though, so what's the point?
Anything else? I don't even have a full time job and I feel like I'm busy all the time. I have a kind-of part time job (hard to explain, don't ask) but even then, it doesn't take up a lot of my time. So what's my point? The point is, for a very long time, I've been making time for only certain people. BUT (I guess after I had finished my silly story last night) I had a revelation. I've been making time for people who don't deserve my time. And I've been not making time for people who do deserve my time. It's hard to accept that that's just the way things have been for so long, and it feels weird to think any other way. Humans are creatures of habit. We don't like to change our daily routines. I am no exception, there are some people who don't return the kindness or attention that I give them, and there are certain people that are still friends with me, even when I always tell them "nah, I don't want to hang out" time after time again. So pretty much, I'm done putting up with people's shit lol.
Of course, I'm not talking to any one specific person or group in this blog. Mainly, I'm just talking to myself. The main purpose of this blog is for myself. Organizing my thoughts in a more appropriate way than just yelling or venting at someone when something is on my mind. Ever since high school, I've lost a lot of friends because I didn't make a conscious effort to keep in touch with them or whatever. After I quit working at Best Buy, I did a better job at keeping a lot of my friends who I worked with. To this day, I am still good friends with a lot of them, and I keep in touch with them regularly. And today, even after I changed majors, I am still friends with most of my business major comrades. I intend on making new Criminal Justice friends in the future, but there's no rush.
The group of friends I have right now are great. Seriously, if any of you ever actually read this, I sincerely thank you for keeping me sane and being there for me when I need you. I would be lost without you guys (and girls). (And this part is just for myself) And for those of you that I used to be friends with but am no longer acquainted with, I'm sorry. Sorry that we got out of touch and stopped being friends. It was nothing personal (well, maybe on a few occasions), that's just what happens when two people walk two completely different paths. There's a reason why Anakin and Obi-Wan didn't stay friends (nailed it).
Ah, well I feel better now that I've typed out this long "Dear Diary" entry that, chances are, only I will ever read. But that's okay. Me and my sub-conscious talk to each other all the time, it's nice to let him out every once in a while and let his voice be heard. Now, it's bath time with my Nick (that was one letter away from being a completely different sentence)! And maybe after, we'll watch Pokemon together. It's on Netflix now apparently, and I feel the strong desire to watch the show that I was obsessed with as a child with my child. See if he likes it as much as I did.
Bye!
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