I am the god of my own universe.

Valentine's Day is just a scam perpetrated by the floral industrial complex. I hate valentine's day. And I'm not saying that because I'm bitter. Even if I had a girlfriend, I would probably only get her stuff because I felt obligated to do so. Wouldn't want her to feel left out, blah blah blah. But I would do so lovingly. Trust me, if I don't want to get someone something, I won't. And sometimes I just buy shit for people for no reason whatsoever other than I want to. I'm selfishly unselfish, if that makes sense. Most of the time, I would rather get someone else something than get myself something. Something about seeing the surprised look on their face just makes my insides feel warm.

I was going to have lunch with a pretty girl today, too. I think the fact that it was valentine's day and we're both single is just coincidence. I don't know if she viewed it as a "date" or not. I didn't. I look at it as lunch. We both have to eat right? Why not eat together? That kind of mentality is healthy I think. Because most women misinterpret the word "date". So I try not to use it, ever. I think the miscommunication is if you ask someone "hey, want to go on a date" they might think "oh god, he loves me." or "he just wants to have sex with me". So I just ask them if they want to get food. And don't really care if they view it as a date or not, because I sure as hell don't. As far as I'm concerned, that word isn't even in my vocabulary. Anyway, oh yeah I cancelled on her. Not cancel, postpone until next weekend. I just didn't feel like going out for lunch with a pretty girl to be honest. My mind just isn't in the right place right now. I have tests, research papers, homework, oral presentations, and a lot of personal shit going on. Hopefully by next weekend, I will be a little less stressed out. Surprisingly, she understood and didn't seem upset at all. Win.


What else? Oh yeah, I get to go to Nick's valentine's party at school today. That should be fun I suppose. Nick will be there and he's my favorite person so it shouldn't be too bad. I actually don't mind kids. I'm not crazy about kids, but I definitely don't hate kids. I suppose it should be important to look at these kids as his friends and that I should like them. And try to get to know the parents of those kids in case he gets invited to parties or something.

Anything else? I have 2 hours before the party, so I still need to go buy candy or something to bring the little children. I still need to eat (why did I cancel lunch) and do some studying for the Deviance test on Monday morning. It's supposed to be a really f*cking nice weekend weather wise. I'm just gonna sit in the backyard, study Deviance shit, listen to blues music, and watch Nick play with the dogs. Pertaining to the title of this post, I am the god of my own universe. I control my own destiny.

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.

I'm watching a documentary on Netflix about a serial killer from 1928 named Carl Panzram. I've always had a strange fascination with learning about serial killers. I guess because I could never see myself doing what they do. I don't regret changing my majors at all. I'm not good at math at all, so engineering wouldn't have worked out at all. And I grew to hate business, mainly because I didn't want to be stuck behind a desk my whole life. I imagine everyone I know who has desk jobs. Can you imagine sitting behind a desk and a keyboard, day after day, daydreaming and staring out the window on a bright and sunny day wishing you were outside? That's me. Also, I needed to have a career in which I directly help people. Business majors don't help people, unless you're a financial consultant or something like that (which I didn't want to be). Also, what a lot of people don't realize is that no matter what major you choose pertaining to business, you're going to be doing math. A lot of math. Whether you choose accounting, finance, economics, statistics, marketing, management, information systems, whatever. Not engineering level mathematics, but enough to make me think to myself "I don't want to do math my entire life. I need to choose a major that makes me happy, not one that has a good salary." When I changed my major to Criminal Justice, I didn't look at salaries. Not until the day before I told my family, because I knew they would ask "How much do _______ make?" They weren't angry or upset at my changing of majors. They support me and want me to do what makes me happy. However, when I told them I wanted to be a detective, they started giving me flack. They're worried that I'm going to be killed. We could all be killed every single day, just by getting in our cars and driving to work. You can't have that mindset that "something bad might happen" otherwise, you would never leave your house. My dad wants me to be a Game Warden or a Park Ranger, which I'm not against. My mom and sister want me to be a paralegal, which I have considered. However, paralegals are stuck behind a desk all day, doing research for cases that lawyers take to court. So while you're staying up all night writing a report, the lawyers get all the glory. I'm not against it, its just not what I want to do at this point in time. I want to help people. I want to make the world a better place, if I can. I want my son to tell all his friends at school that his daddy is a police officer. I want people to be proud of me. And I don't think that there's anything wrong with that. I don't care about money anymore. It's more about the impact that you make on people's lives. A hundred  years from now, no one is going to remember me whether I was a cop or a marketer. So why not do what makes me happy? Why not make a direct impact on people's lives instead of trying to take their money by making stupid ads that no one cares about?

I don't have my priorities straight. But I'm trying. I'm human, I make a lot of mistakes. This isn't one of them. The important people in my life understand. Those who matter, don't mind, and those who mind, don't matter.

Cold and Diligent

It was 20 degrees when I left for school this morning. Way too damn cold, especially when I had to walk a mile to get there and a mile to get back. Upon my return to the apartment, I immediately cranked the heat up. I don't care if I have to pay a little extra $ to run the heat, I want to be warm.

Anyways, I haven't blogged for a while simply because I haven't thought much about it. It was somehow brought up in my Sociology class so I was reminded to keep up with it. I actually have several drafts that I end up never posting, probably because they're nothing but incomplete momentary thoughts and feelings. I may actually post this one.

The next couple of weeks are going to be busy busy. Lots of homework in Spanish, including a test next Wednesday along with our second Spanish diary (Mi diario, see I'm learning!). I've succeeded in making two new friends in my Spanish class, John and David. Test next week in Sociology: Deviance as well. If I feel worried it's only because he hasn't told us what is going to be on the test. "Chapters 1 through 3" doesn't really explain what we should spend the most of our study time preparing for. Do we need to know names? Dates? Theories? What? I'll just need to study for a few hours every day until the test next Friday. And then there's Criminal Investigation, probably a test in 1-2 weeks. Blue books, that should be interesting. So that's pretty much what's going on in school right now. I'm enjoying my classes for the most past, excited about Criminal Justice and where it might take me. Oh yes, I'm in the midst of writing an article, hoping to be published somewhere. The topic is Deviance in Society where I talk about the TSA, NSA, Edward Snowden, Homosexuality, Breaking Bad, Shark Week, Gun Violence, Justin Bieber, the Olympics, President Obama, Philip Seymour Hoffman, etc. I know it all seems random, but it's not. I'm sure when I finish it, I will post it here.

After re-watching 'It Might Get Loud' recently, I've decided to revamp my music library entirely. Not that I don't enjoy heavy metal, I love it. But I'm in this weird phase of listening to classic rock (mostly Led Zeppelin) and blues. Mix it a little bit of classical music with some old classics (The Temptations) and you've got one kickass playlist that will make you feel a litany of different emotions in only a few songs. Right now I'm listening to the Footloose soundtrack. Why? BECAUSE KEVIN BACON. Also, does anyone want to reenact the scene from Top Gun where they play volleyball? I love that song.

I'm going to run to the store now. Not literally, I'm going to drive. If I can think of anything to add to this, I'll put some more up later. I think I'll listen to Chopin's Nocturnes while at the store. Yes, good choice.

Edit: I went to the store earlier. Decided to listen to Bach instead of Chopin. I left at like 1:00 and didn't get back until after dark. People always want to hang out when I have other stuff I want to do. I am reaching my breaking point when it comes to my complex's shitty internet. Never, ever, use Pavlov Media as your internet provider. They fucking suck. I've called them twice telling them exactly that, and when they tell me they'll fix it, they never do. I never had this problem last year, but this year it is unbearable. When I get my new place this summer, I am going with AT&T U-verse. I don't care if I have to shell out a good bit of money for it. Paying for blazing fast internet is infinitely better than shitty, doesn't work most of the time, "complimentary" free internet. 

I guess I'll go hang out at Garry's place. I don't know if anyone else is going to be there, but his internet is really fast and his dog is cool.